How to Stop Comparing Yourself: A Calm Definition of Success

Hmm.

Hi everyone, today's guest is Susi Hutchison. She's the founder of Wild Redbird and the creator of The Mindful Moments and the You Are Loved card decks. So this conversation is a little different for me because Susi is also my sister. And what I've always been very impressed with her about is that Susi has never been really interested in chasing a version of success that doesn't feel true.

And in Beyond the Ladder, during our interviews, Susi shared something with me that really sat and stayed with me. And it was that success should be about peace and contentment, not about meeting someone else's expectations. And, you know, that sounds so simple, doesn't it? But it really isn't, especially when so many of us have spent years trained to prove to push, keep moving, even when, you know, we're actually craving something that's completely different and quieter. And

This isn't again about complacency and about shrinking your ambition at all. It's actually about building a life where your drive is guided about what's true for you and not by what somebody else's scoreboard is. So Susi's ripple isn't loud. It's not performative. It's the kind of influence that shows up in every moment. When someone finally exhales and gives himself the permission to stop proving. And that's exactly why her voice belongs in season two.

because this season is about movement, the unseen ripples, the ones that unfold over time. And so I am just thrilled to have you here. Susi, thanks for joining me today. I know this is your first podcast, isn't it?

Yes, it is. I'm not, just exactly what you said, I'm not one to perform. So this is uncomfortable, but it's good because you are always pushing me to step outside my comfort zone into new things that might be a little uncomfortable. So this is.

Yeah. So thanks for stepping out of your income. Yeah, I know. We've actually everybody we've rescheduled like about four times and just for different reasons. But again, I think that that's what's the beauty of these conversations is that we do things that are different and that are uncomfortable. So I really thank you for doing that.

Thank you for having me.

Yeah. Well, and those are some of the things that we want to talk about today. want to, well, first of all, why don't we just, why don't you do a bit of an introduction yourself and maybe tell people about Wild Redbird and where you are. And yeah, tell us about Susi.

So I am in the US, Roanoke, Virginia, in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and we're getting some nice snow today. So...

and see okay

Keep going. You can just start over again. let's just, can start over from the beginning and I can get Gina to cut this in. we'll start. Don't apologize. So Susi, thank you for being here. We've talked about this a lot and I know that this is your very first podcast ever. This is first time you've been a guest on a podcast. I remember my first time too.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I thought I would like my legs were jittering underneath. Thank goodness nobody could see them.

Well, have to admit, I wasn't looking forward to this, but it just reminds me of how your encouragement and you pushing me to step outside of my comfort zone to do things that are uncomfortable. So this is one of those things. so thank you for challenging me and I'm excited to be here always to talk to you.

Yeah, well thanks for being uncomfortable with me. I know we were saying earlier that yeah, some of our conversations are a bit wild too. Yeah, and this is the first time one's been recorded. So we'll behave just a little bit, won't we? Maybe just a little bit. So where are you? And tell us a bit about Wild Redbird.

So I am in Roanoke, Virginia in the US and this is actually where I'm sitting right now is where I created Wild Redbird. Came up with the idea of Wild Redbird. I have the pictures behind me from the Wild Redbird decks and so it's kind of fun to be sitting right here talking about it because I haven't thought I haven't thought about that.

When I created the Wild Redbird decks, I took my photographs and taped them to the wall and edited and what I was gonna do with them. So that was done right here. But just to dive into what Wild Redbird is, I...

Yeah.

believe it was like eight years ago, eight, nine years ago, I had just left a corporate leadership position and I didn't know what I was gonna do. Like I didn't have a job lined up. I just knew in my heart that I could not sit at a desk anymore while that opportunity afforded me so many incredible...

I mean, it allowed me to leave financially, provided financial stability. I met some incredible people, some good friends. I learned some new skills. But I just deep in my heart, I knew that I just couldn't do it anymore. So I left and I took, I think a year and a half, two years off and

finished yoga teacher training that I had started. took a couple of trips and on

that trip is where Wild Redbird evolved because before I left, I was struggling with that sense of self-love of not, I didn't know what I was doing at all. I had just left what people thought was an incredible job. Again, it provided so much security on so many levels, but.

I was just in that phase of not knowing, not really, really loving myself or giving myself credit for taking such a big step or following my heart. So I created these little cards that said you are loved. I pray.

Yeah, actually, by the way, let me just interject here because I have them. I have one right here just so everyone can see them. And on the back it says more than you know.

And people love these, by the way. They're love cards.

So I took those cards and printed hundreds of them and just drove across the country, visited our other sister, and I left them everywhere. I left them at gas stations, on bathroom mirrors, as a tip in a tip jar, in bookstores that I visited. I just left them everywhere.

Mm-hmm.

It ended up being my own medicine and to kind of find my way with not so much what my main purpose was, but what I was supposed to be doing at that moment in time. And that was just being present with myself, sharing love, which is just...

Yeah.

you know, what we need every day. Yeah. And then, you know, really realizing after that experience how if I don't have self love and self worth and self respect, then that doesn't create space for me.

Holy cow, do we ever, do we ever.

to find what my purpose is or what I want to be doing with myself because I found that my, have a tendency to have to figure things out right now. I need to know what my next move is, where am I gonna land?

Mm-hmm.

Being in that moment for those two years and really softening and living into that I don't need to have things figured out and just, I just find when I'm in the moment, the next step will surface.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's not always easy to be in the moment because we're in our minds going, okay, I need to achieve this goal. need to, you know, I'm comparing myself to other people in my life and they're here and I feel like I'm here. So I'm just so grateful that I took that time.

to be fully present and to drop into my heart because I felt, I feel like it built a really solid foundation. And it just really made me, I realized it's, you're just, you're great right where you are. And as long as you love yourself, not every day do we love ourselves, but you know, if I like myself and I'm okay, then.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

everything will come. It will just rise up.

Yeah.

Yeah. Whoa, whoa, there are like hundreds of messages in that, Susi. Thank you for sharing that. And I love that you first of all talked about your intuition and listening to yourself and listening to your heart and making decisions based on that, because I'm sure everyone around you was saying, what are you doing? Why are you leaving this job for this quote,

insecure or unsure place, the space that you're stepping into doesn't have everything all figured out. And that's a tough thing to do. And especially all the pressures that come in and to stay true to that is very powerful that you actually said, no, I'm going to keep on and I'm going to keep going. one moment in time to take that step. it's also you, I think you caught yourself because you were talking about

finding your purpose and what you needed to do and you said, what I need in this moment. Because I think that also, so often we're like, I've got to find your purpose, got to find your purpose, got to find your purpose. Well, what if you've got 20 purposes and you don't have just one? So I think that that's great. And there's still more to come. Just who knows what's going to be around the corner. But you're right about being in tune with yourself and listening to yourself that

that that helps those uncover and helps that path become maybe a little bit clearer. So love that. Thank you for sharing that story.

And this whole idea, I think, I'm just reading my notes here about these societal expectations. You talked about that, and I think that so many people struggle with that. And it's tough, and there are days that, like you said, that are a little bit easier, and there are days that are tougher to not deal with those expectations of society. And what are some, like, what do you do to manage that? What are some things that you, do you have rituals? Do you meditate?

I know you did the yoga school, but what do you do to kind of push those away, all those societal expectations?

It's so funny because I had a moment this week where I was like, what in the world am I doing? Like, I was at work and I felt like I had taken a couple steps back. you know, I work with incredible people and I feel so fortunate for that, but I didn't.

I was like, what am I doing here? Like this task, like it was, you know, I'm inside when I want to be outside. And so then, you know, I just, I came back to just breathing. That's like my go-to for everything. Just putting my hand wherever it wants to land and just taking a breath and

grounding my feet, being really aware of my body and not so much as to what's around me because that can be distracting for me. So I can get pulled and I I found myself a lot like holding my breath, like getting really tense and

Mm, yeah. Yep.

It's a habitual thing. And it's a habitual thing that I've done for years, even though I speak about the breath and coming back to the breath, I'm kind of fascinated by it. Like that's how I know when I'm getting, you know, wrapped up in thoughts and in my mind. And so just coming back to softening the body and just breathing.

Yeah.

Mmm.

Yeah, that is so important. I catch myself doing that too. Sometimes where I'm holding my breath, I'm like, what in the world am I doing? And then you take that big breath and it's amazing what that does. It's like, yeah, there it is. That's what I need that O2 like going in. You're right, that's so important. And it's something that we don't focus on very much. We kind of take breath breathing as like, okay, well we do it, but do we do it intentionally and how important that is?

Yeah. Yeah.

when it also brings you back to the moment because you're exactly back in the moment. And that's really all that exists is this moment right now.

Mmm, true, yeah.

Yeah, it's that moment, you're right. Well, that's deep, yeah, you're right. It's these moments and not like letting our brains churn about what's in the past or what's coming in the future, but being in the moment.

Well, and that's so hard. But that's what we're here to do, I think, to learn. I mean, obviously.

It is so hard. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, going back a little bit to also that decision to start Wild Redbird and really taking the time to take the steps and to create the cards and to leave those. And I think the You Are Loved card, honestly, I remember during COVID, we were like, we need to get these cards need to go out in the world because people really needed to hear it. And I feel like now we're at a time to where, my goodness, do people ever need to see this You Are Loved?

and that can ground them. So I love this idea that you spread it and that you leave them. It would be really interesting if anyone listening has ever found one of your cards. Have you ever gotten anyone that reached out to you during your journeys that you left the card?

A couple of times I've seen them posted on Instagram. It's been years though since I've seen where someone has found them.

Yeah?

Hmm, so that's a call out. Let's see if you found a you are loved card that'd be interesting because sometimes people find things It's just the right moments. Don't they?

So I just recently purged a lot of books and I put them in the books and donated them to the library. So that's kind of fun. It's just fun.

Nice. Yeah, that's a very cool thing to do. It is a fun thing to do. Um, and actually, by the way, I had some guests, we had some, a group of, um, ladies over last night and, I sold three of your decks. So money's on its way. They love them and they're going to do the same thing. So it's even, it's gone global now too. So

awesome.

year.

Your the the cards are also about your photography right and so they started out in the small format and how are you keeping it that how are you evolving like what you're doing with the cards and and sharing these thoughts and these these times for people to reflect because I think that that's what it's a lot about for you isn't it it's about people taking time.

Yeah, so I, you know, that's another uncomfortable thing for me is promoting myself. Like I love the creation process of it. I love that. But then getting it out there other than leaving them for people to find, you know, promoting them and selling them isn't always my...

favorite thing to do, but I am working on it. But on my website, I send out a newsletter where I take one of the wisdom whisper cards and share where I took the photograph and then the verbiage that's on the back of them, how I came up with that verbiage. So it tells a story.

Well, I have them here. Let me give an example because this is a huge deck, by the way. So there are all of these photographs that Susi took. And I actually have them on my desk too. And I pull one. so for instance, how appropriate is this? So this is one of them. And the card on the back says about have faith in your timing.

So exactly what you were saying before, that if it takes a year, if it takes two years for your timing, that's okay.

I think a lifetime for me.

But are doing new things with the cards? Like where is there an evolution? How do you do you want to keep spreading the yeah these beautiful moments?

So I've recently, within the past year, I think I've enlarged them. Not much bigger than what the cards currently are, but I've enlarged them and matted and framed them. And I've been doing festivals here with our dad. I've just done a couple of those.

with our dad.

And again, just the newsletter and they're in a couple of shops. again, it's not a big global thing, although thank you for helping me promote them in Germany. So again, it's very small and I used to get...

You're very welcome.

frustrated with myself that I wasn't getting them out there like a lot of people would tell me to get them out there. And so it's just a reflective moment for me of what, am I not doing that? what, you know, what is, why am I uncomfortable and not

promoting them more because I love them and it brings me joy. use them weekly, daily.

Yeah.

And those people that have purchased them, they use them too. get emails saying, I pulled this card and it was so relevant to where I'm at. And it's just taking a moment to trust your intuition and to shuffle the deck and to pull a card and read the verbiage, look at the picture.

just kind of create a space for yourself and see if something resonates. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. Maybe in a couple of days, you may realize, that's why I pulled that card. Or that's maybe when you might learn something.

Yeah. Hmm.

yourself. really the whole purpose of it is I kind of view them as like little medicine cards, you know.

That's a nice way to think about them. Yeah, little medicine cards for you. Yeah.

and for you, just for you. because that's what they, that's really what they are. And for me, the You Are cards, was just medicine for me to realize that I am loved and that it all starts with me.

Yeah.

And that's when things again create, when you're in that space not beating yourself up, you know, not, and we, you and I have talked about this a lot, you know, like saying, I'm sorry all the time, or I don't like that about myself, or I wish I were different and.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I think that's part of my purpose is to realize that about myself and then to help nurture other people to do that for themselves as well.

Mm, yeah, so that's one of your ripples. And if you think back, because the podcast is called Be a Ripple, is there an influence or a ripple that, if you reflect back on your career and on your life, that had a long-term impact?

on you or is there anything that if you go back you go, hmm, that was a pretty significant one and it didn't come into later. Cause I think so often we have these experiences and we wait for kind of this something to happen or this an impact, but it doesn't come for years later. Is there anything like that that, that, that you have?

I think for me, probably how I treat others is, you know, it's not like a big standalone, like I got this job position or I got this degree or I think for me it is just how I treat people.

Mm-hmm.

And it seems so basic, part of, you know, we go back to my purpose, part of why I feel I'm here is to help, is to nurture people, to make them feel good, to create a space where they can land and feel comfortable and feel heard. And because we're constantly stimulated,

We're constantly challenging ourselves, being challenged by other people, being challenged by society, what's going on in the world, and not saying nice things about ourselves. so maybe, I think my ripple's broad. It's not one specific.

achievement. think it started with Wild Red Bird and creating that and helping to create that soft landing space for people to be for a moment, to get a little reprieve from our hectic lives.

Yeah, yeah. And obviously, since I know you well, I think also you think back because you studied art and you did a lot of photography. And it's interesting how that came back also into Wild Redbird because the cards are all your own your your photography. And it's like this lens that you've taken and that you you know, have there are these such amazing pictures on the cards. So that's also interesting that that now is becoming back part because you didn't

really do anything with the photography after you graduated but now you are doing something with it so that's a really nice thing too that that's coming back in. You you love having the camera.

and

It's like, for me, it's home being outside, being on a trail, being with the trees, even if it's cold, just being outside is my comfort space. And that's where I was talking earlier, all the jobs that I've taken, I'm inside.

Yeah.

Yeah.

desk at a computer and doing some interesting things but I you know I think that's where I had that moment this week I'm like why what am I doing inside you know and so I have I have a wisdom whisper card because that helps ground me is to look at nature even if I can't be outside in nature

Yeah.

It's like nature in your pocket. Yeah, that's a nice way. I like that.

It helps calm my nervous system and...

Yeah, so that's a good one. Nature in your pocket. Meditation and nature in your pocket. I know I like that. I can't move. That's why I like it. So if we look, you know, I talk also a lot about legacy and how legacy is this idea. Often people think about legacy that it's something, you know, that is like on this piece of paper that's read, you know, unfortunately when you're not here anymore, but that's not.

You

what legacy is. don't believe. think legacy is how we show up every day and the practice. So if legacy is something that we practice daily, what does your legacy practice look like on an ordinary day?

I feel like I'm being repetitive, it all coincides with one another.

just in taking time for me. And I think what I've done this winter season is, you know, and you've talked a lot about this in your posts, is, you know, with the new year, everybody has these goals, these resolutions.

Right.

And I really didn't have those. I just said, really, you I love the winter season because it forces you to really spend time with yourself because the daylight is shorter and it's colder outside. And so I have always said, I'm really going to nurture myself during the winter season. I don't really do that, but I have done that.

this year and you know so far and really just taking care of myself and whatever that looks like in the day you know maybe it is going out and having a meal with a friend or cooking a meal myself or

You know, just doing movements, you know, doing a breath session with myself. You know, maybe dancing, putting on some awesome music and dancing or talking to you, you know, just really it, I'm holding myself accountable to being in the moment and just really listening to what my body needs, what my heart needs.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mmm.

And so for me, that's kind of that is linked to legacy. I don't know.

Yeah, teaching other people to do that, think, because you're very, you're right. It's like these moments where you talk to other people, because you tell me that often too. You're like, Sabine slow down, slow down, because I go, I have a tendency to go really fast and to do too many things. And I always have you in my ear saying that slow down. Or if I do something and I've fallen or something wacky, I'm like, no.

There's Susi again saying slow down and be in the moment and be present and be slow and thoughtful. And I think that that's a beautiful legacy to have with people. And this conversation is also, for anyone that's listening, that is the takeaway. Be in the moment and be kind to yourself. And you know what's really interesting, Susi, is that I've got this notebook where I write my intentions down and I actually put this in my newsletter too.

Yeah, I saw that.

yeah. And again, my intention today is to be focused and present in each moment. So to be here and because it's so easy to get distracted, and to do other things and, if it does happen, it's okay. I was talking to our other sister, we have another sister and I was in, I talked, she rang me up in the middle of the day and I was doing something and I wasn't focused. And actually when I hung up, I was like, damn it.

So I left her least, I left her a message and apologized because I was distracted and doing other things where I wish I would have been focused and talking to her because she needed me to listen to her right then. So it's about being in those moments and not being distracted and have phones and other things. So I love that. So in the moment and you are loved. What beautiful messages.

So far. Yeah.

It seems so simple, doesn't it? Being the moment.

That's it. It does, doesn't it? Be in the moment. La la la. Listen to some music. But it is. It's tough, especially when you've got, you know, you've got a lot of things pulling at you. But I believe you're right. It's about getting back. We can do it, but it takes a little bit of work to do it. And I think that there's so much of this instant gratification that that we hear, you know, we need to we need to do it once and then it's sticky. Well, no, it's not.

Mm-hmm.

When is doing something once and it's sticky, not very often. And this impatience is something that I think is so important for people to hear again and again. So I'm really happy that this is kind of where the conversation went today is about being in the moment and yeah, like the self-love, but also sharing that with other people too in these kind moments with each other because we sure do need it.

Yes. Just learn just to not fuck. No.

it up and being in that moment. So thank you. Go ahead. Yeah.

And when you're not, just that's okay.

It's okay too, yeah. Yeah, pull yourself back. And I think that that's another really good point that when, you know, we're all working and we're all giving it, most people are just giving it their best. And if you feel like you've taken a step in a direction that you don't want to go, then turn around, go back or head back to the other direction. And I think that that's a fine thing to do because we all are, we are human and we've got a lot going on.

And yeah, and it's interesting just going back to your book, which is incredible. I read, I occasionally reread the piece that you wrote with me. And when I read it, I'm like, I'm not doing that right now. So it's a good, it just goes with what we were just talking about. When you're not, you recognize it.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Yeah.

And then you come back, it's like, oh, I'm reading this and it's making me sound, you know, wild and free and I'm comfortable every day with where I'm at. And that is, you know, not the case. So I love picking the book up and reading about all the beautiful women in there. you know, just that piece with me, it's just such a good reminder.

Yeah, it's interesting.

when I check in with myself and I'm like, not doing that, but that's okay. It's a good reminder to go, this is where I would like to be the majority at the time, but I'm not always there. Yeah.

Yeah.

Where I want to. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, and that's all right too. Yeah, good stuff.

Well, before we close out, I want to name something that sits underneath this conversation. And so much of the pressure that we carry comes from measuring ourselves. And we measure ourselves against others and others definitions of what success looks like. And the ripple begins when we stop doing that, when we choose to listen inwardly again. And sometimes it's a decision to slow down.

A new sentence that you offer yourself when you're tempted to push and say something else that's not so good to yourself. A moment of creativity that brings you back to what's true. So Susi, thank you and thank you for this message of contentment and that it doesn't arrive after we've done something that we think is like enough. It starts when we stop measuring ourselves by someone else's standards.

And if something in today's episode stayed with you, take a moment after you finish listening and ask yourself, what would success look like if it was defined by you and if it felt calm on the inside? And now if you know someone whose story belongs in season two, someone that's creating a movement or that is quietly steady moving forward in ways that inspire you, send them my way because I'm always

listening for those ripples that don't announce themselves in big bold brash ways, but that they do change everything. And Susi, one last thing to you, getting to have you on this podcast and in this conversation has just been incredible. And I'm so blessed to have you as my sister and just love you. I'm happy that thank goodness that we ended up as sisters in this world.

Me too. Thank you, thank you. It's been fun. Not as hard as I thought. I stumbled a couple parts, but that's okay. It's okay.

There you go. But that's also okay. So thanks for being here.

Thanks for having me.